What Does The Bible Say About Living Together Before Marriage?
The topic of whether it is acceptable for couples to live together before marriage has become increasingly common in recent years. Many couples view cohabiting as a ‘trial period’ before making the lifelong commitment of marriage.
However, the Bible provides clear principles regarding sexual intimacy only within the covenant of marriage. If you’re short on time, here’s a quick answer to your question: the Bible does not condone or support living together before marriage.
In this article, we will explore in detail what the Bible communicates about living together and having sexual relations before marriage. We will look at biblical principles, commands, stories, and truths that speak to this issue.
Though the specific words ‘living together’ are not in the Bible, there are many Scriptures that provide insight and wisdom for couples considering cohabitation.
Sex Outside of Marriage is Sin
God’s Design for Marriage
The Bible clearly teaches that God designed marriage to be between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24). Marriage is meant to be a lifelong covenant relationship that reflects Christ’s relationship with the church (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Sex within marriage is a beautiful gift from God, but God condemns sex outside of marriage.
Fornication is Condemned
The Bible uses the term “fornication” to refer to any sexual relations outside of marriage. Fornication is consistently condemned throughout Scripture (1 Corinthians 6:18, Galatians 5:19, 1 Thessalonians 4:3). God commands us to flee from sexual immorality and honor marriage.
Some key verses on fornication:
- “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
- “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality…” (Galatians 5:19)
- “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
Sexual Immorality Defined
The Bible defines sexual immorality broadly. In addition to premarital sex, any sexual relations outside of marriage are considered sexually immoral. This includes adultery, homosexual relations, etc. (Leviticus 18:1-30, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
God’s design for marriage is between one man and one woman. Any intimate relations outside of that exclusive marital relationship go against God’s design and commands. Living together and having sex before marriage is sinful.
Some statistics show that over 70% of couples today live together before marriage. However, research indicates that couples who live together before marriage have higher divorce rates. God’s commands are for our good, and following His design for marriage brings blessing.
Practical Dangers of Cohabitation
Increased Risk of Divorce
Research has consistently shown that couples who live together before marriage have a significantly higher chance of getting divorced if they do get married. One study found that couples who cohabited before marriage had a 33% higher chance of divorce within 10 years compared to couples who did not live together before marriage.[1] This may be because cohabiting teaches couples poor habits that carry over into marriage like lacking commitment, seeking an easy exit, and avoiding conflict resolution.[2]
Undermines Commitment
Cohabitation by its nature does not require the same level of commitment as marriage. There is less motivation to work through challenges and differences because it is easier to leave the relationship.
In fact, 39% of cohabiters have left a relationship without it leading to marriage.[3] Without the security that comes from commitment, couples may become tentative in the relationship and hesitant to fully invest themselves emotionally. This contributes to less relationship satisfaction overall.
Hinders Spiritual Growth
Living together outside of marriage can be spiritually dangerous. God designed physical intimacy to occur only within the commitment and security of marriage (Hebrews 13:4). Couples who cohabit often compromise in this area which can quench the Spirit’s work in their lives (1 Thessalonians 5:19).
They also miss out on the spiritual accountability and growth that comes from belonging to a church community where marriage is honored and extolled (Ephesians 5:25-33). Married couples have the support and instruction needed to develop a strong spiritual life together.
Biblical Examples of Sexual Sin
Samson and Delilah
The story of Samson and Delilah in Judges 16 provides a sobering example of how sexual sin can lead to one’s downfall. Samson was an Israelite judge granted superhuman strength by God to fight the Philistines.
However, he lost this strength when Delilah seduced him into revealing that his power came from his uncut hair. She then betrayed him to the Philistines who captured, blinded, and enslaved him. This story is often cited as a cautionary tale against giving into temptation in romantic relationships, especially when those relationships compromise one’s values or calling.
David and Bathsheba
In 2 Samuel 11, King David committed adultery with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, one of David’s soldiers. When Bathsheba became pregnant, David first unsuccessfully tried to cover up their affair. He then arranged to have Uriah killed in battle.
As punishment, God took the child’s life soon after birth and David’s household was plagued by turmoil for the rest of his reign. David wrote Psalm 51 in repentance, but his sins had long term consequences for his family and kingdom.
This story warns that lust and sexual entitlement can quickly spiral out of control and lead down a slippery slope, even causing “a man after God’s own heart” to abuse his power and turn to murder.
The Woman Caught in Adultery
In John 8:1-11, the scribes and Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery before Jesus, seeking to trap him into contradicting the Mosaic law that required her death by stoning. However, Jesus famously stated, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”
This caused the woman’s accusers to leave in shame. Jesus then forgave the woman’s sin, telling her “go and sin no more.” This story illustrates humanity’s universal struggle with sexual sin and calls Christians to approach such matters with mercy, while also emphasizing the importance of leaving behind immoral sexual behavior.
God’s Grace Covers All Sin
Forgiveness through Christ
The Bible teaches that all people are sinners (Romans 3:23) and that sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2). However, the good news is that God loves us so much that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins (Romans 5:8).
When we put our faith and trust in Jesus, we receive forgiveness and restoration in our relationship with God (Ephesians 1:7).
This forgiveness through Christ covers all sins, including living together before marriage. The apostle Paul wrote about how some believers in Corinth had engaged in all kinds of sinful activities before knowing Christ, but they were washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
So no matter what someone has done in the past, God offers full forgiveness because of what Jesus did on the cross. When it comes to living together outside of marriage, Christians should still aim to honor God by obeying His commands for sexual purity (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
But for those who have sinned already, forgiveness and grace are available if they repent and turn to follow Jesus.
Restoration is Possible
For those Christians who have been living together before marriage, restoration to a right relationship with God is completely possible. The first step is to confess this to God as sin and ask for His forgiveness (1 John 1:9).
Turn away from continuing in this sin by either getting married or living separately.
God can absolutely bring healing and transformation when people surrender areas of brokenness to Him. As it says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
Churches should also be places of grace where couples can find support and accountability if they desire to honor God going forward with their relationships. As members of Christ’s body, we are called to forgive others just as God has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13).
The church should provide hope and encouragement that walking in obedience to God’s ways brings blessing.
While living together outside marriage damages relationships and makes for harder adjustment to married life, God specializes in reconciling what is broken and making all things new. Forgiveness and grace are available to all who come to Him in repentance and faith.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the Bible clearly communicates that God designed sex to be enjoyed only within the safety and commitment of marriage. Living together and engaging in sexual intimacy before taking marriage vows goes against God’s plan and opens couples up to potential pitfalls.
However, the good news is that grace and redemption are available to all through Jesus. Couples who have already lived together can experience forgiveness and move toward God’s design for relationships.
